2015年3月14日 星期六

呂叔湘先生的《伊坦·弗洛美》翻譯


偶然從網路發現呂叔湘先生翻譯的《伊坦·弗洛美》(Ethan Frome,普利茲獎得主、美國作家伊迪絲華頓Edith Wharton 在1911年出版的小說)全文(http://211.67.182.138/date/books/009/79349.pdf),重要的是文後附有王宗炎先生寫的《從老手學新招》,點出呂叔湘先生譯文的高明之處,對有志學譯的人有重大的啟發作用。以下是該文的節錄加上我的整理,部分已是愛讀譯的朋友耳熟能詳的:

......遠在好幾年前,葉聖陶先生就指出過呂譯有文章之美。這美,是有目共睹的。我們試就本書引一段看看:
他到郝爾家把灰色馬牽出,開始走上回家的上坡路。外邊的寒冷已經不及早半天利害,沉重的雲空預示明天又要下雪。這兒,那兒,穿出三五顆疏星,透出背後的深藍色。再過一兩點鐘,月亮就要從自己田莊背後的山頭升起,在雲堆裡燒出一條金邊的裂縫,又慢慢的被雲吞沒。一種荒涼的寧靜掛在田野之上,好像它們也感覺寒威稍減,在它們的漫漫的冬眠之中伸伸腳。
He fetched the grays from Hale's stable and started on his long climb back to the farm. The cold was less sharp than earlier in the day and a thick fleecy sky threatened snow for the morrow. Here and there a star pricked through, showing behind it a deep well of blue. In an hour or two the moon would push over the ridge behind the farm, burn a gold-edged rent in the clouds, and then be swallowed by them. A mournful peace hung on the fields, as though they felt the relaxing grasp of the cold and stretched themselves in their long winter sleep.
這是散文的妙品,大概誰也不會否認的。這裡有的是繁複而深奧的意思,很不容易傳達出來,可是呂譯卻那麼明快爽朗,毫無格格不吐之病。田野要在“漫漫的冬眠之中伸伸腳”(they [the fields]……stretched themselves in their long winter sleep),這是一個新奇而深刻的意象,在別的譯者筆下,恐怕要變成異常晦澀的句子了。(但是“好像它們……”似乎不如“好像這些田野……”)呂譯的另一特點,是富於風趣。讀了它,你往往發笑,而且這笑裡往往還有辣味、酸味。大家知道,幽默是在翻譯裡極難保存的一種風格,———多少原著裡的妙句,在一般譯文裡變成了蠢話!———可是在呂先生的生花妙筆之下,原文的幽默味非但沒有沖淡,反而變得更濃:
……“我是個‘雜症’,”她說。
伊坦知道這是個異常嚴重的字眼兒。鄰近這一帶差不多個個人都有“毛病”,說得出病在何處,怎麼個樣兒;但是只有少數不凡的人才有“雜症”。“雜症”能抬高你的身份,雖然往往也就是閻羅王的請帖。許多人有毛病可以帶病延年一年年混下去,可是一有“雜症”十有九就完了。
Ethan knew the word for one of exceptional import. Almost everybody in the neighbourhood had "troubles," frankly localized and specified; To have them was in itself a distinction, but only the chosen had "complications." though it was also, in most cases, a death-warrant. People struggled on for years with "troubles," but they almost always succumbed to "complications."
呂先生在這兒用“雜症”來譯complications,真是恰當不易。Only the chosen had “complications”譯成“只有少數不凡的人才有‘雜症’”,把一個沒病而愛裝病的女人的心理活生生地畫了 出來。People struggled on for years with troubles 譯成“許多人有毛病可以帶病延年一年年混下去”,庸人自擾的情態,躍然紙上。 但是呂譯最大的長處還是對話。他的對話確是話,清楚,乾脆,念得上口,聽得入耳,像漂亮的戲劇對白那樣討人歡喜。聽吧:
“唉,他的日子不太好過”,哈蒙說。“一個人坐在家裡二十多年,眼看著許多該做的事情做不了,您說他焦不焦?有勁兒沒勁兒?弗洛美家那 幾畝地自來就是貓兒舐過的牛奶鍋兒似的光溜溜地;那些個老磨坊今日之下還值幾個錢兒您總也知道。早年弗洛美能打天亮到天黑磨古它們的時候,還對付勒!點兒什麼出來;可是就在那個時候,他一家人幾張嘴兒也就把那點兒吃盡喝光,這會兒他怎麼混來著我可想不出。先是他爹在地裡割草的時候摔了一跤,腦子有了毛病,花錢像施善書,好幾年才死了。接著他媽又‘出了怪’,吃喝起倒都得人招呼,像個小孩兒,又拖上好幾年;再就是他的女人,細娜,她自來就是個愛吃藥的。病痛和禍害,這是伊坦的家常便飯,從他能吃飯時候算起。”
"Well, matters ain't gone any too well with him," Harmon said. "When a man's been setting round like a hulk for twenty years or more, seeing things that want doing, it eats inter him, and he loses his grit. That Frome farm was always 'bout as bare's a milkpan when the cat's been round; and you know what one of them old water-mills is wuth nowadays. When Ethan could sweat over 'em both from sunup to dark he kinder choked a living out of 'em; but his folks ate up most everything, even then, and I don't see how he makes out now. Fust his father got a kick, out haying, and went soft in the brain, and gave away money like Bible texts afore he died. Then his mother got queer and dragged along for years as weak as a baby; and his wife Zeena, she's always been the greatest hand at doctoring in the county. Sickness and trouble: that's what Ethan's had his plate full up with, ever since the very first helping."
你聽,這不是鄉下老兒講故事的聲口嗎?多麼寫實,多麼逼 真,多麼夠味兒!但是和原文一對,才知道譯者在這幾句話上花 的工夫可大了。“貓兒舐過的牛乳鍋兒似的光溜溜地”原文是 as bare s a milkpan when the cats been around,譯者把一個子句縮成了短語,免致太嚕嗦。“他一家人幾張嘴兒也就把那點兒吃盡喝光”原文是 his folks ate up everything,譯者添了幾個字使文氣舒暢,更像口語。可是最值得佩服的還是“病痛和禍害,這是伊坦的家常便飯,從他能吃飯時候算起。”這句話原文是 Sickness and trouble: that’s what Ethan’s had his plate full with, ever since the very first helping. 我起先看到這話,想了半天想不出一個人人看得懂的譯法,那曉得呂譯竟那麼明暢老練!為什麼呂譯能有這樣高的成就呢?我以為首先是因為,原文的意義,譯者辨認得十分真切。原文每字每句的含義和情調,譯者都看得清清楚楚,有了充分把握,所以翻譯時放膽下筆,有 如齊白石作畫,不斤斤於形似,而神氣自然逼肖。試舉幾個例子:
 1. In a sky of iron the points of the Dipper hung like icicles and Orion flashed his cold fires. 
在鐵色的天空,北斗的星點象冰柱,南天的獵戶星射出寒冷的光芒。
2. It was a slow trudge home through the heavy fields. 
在積雪很深的田畝間走路快不了。
3. But the bay was as good as Frome’s word, and we pushed on to the Junction through the white wild scene.
但是那老栗馬不辜負弗洛美的話,我們在漫天風之中終於到達車站。
在下面這些句子裡,呂先生 顯出了他的語言學的知識和藝術家的手腕:
1. They turned at the gate and passed under the shaded knoll where, enclosed in a low fence, the Frome gravestones slanted at crazy angles through the snow.
他們走進了籬笆門,在一道矮矮的石牆圍住的弗洛美家的墓園旁邊走過。那裡邊多少塊墓碑在雪地裡橫斜倚伏。
2. Despair seized him at the thought of her setting out alone to renew the weary quest for work.
想起她一個人出去重新登上找工作的艱辛的路途,覺得萬念俱灰。
3. Mattie s hand was underneath, and Ethan kept his clasped on it a moment longer than was necessary.
瑪提的手在下,伊坦把它握住,沒有立刻就放。
4. These alterations of mood were the despair and joy of Ethan Frome.
她這種一會兒一個情調,叫伊坦時而灰心,時而高興。
呂譯的句子結構,是極其活潑的。他竭力忠於原文,要和它靠近,但是他深知各種語言自有其特殊的習慣和性能,所以從不 削足適履,強迫中文死守外文的規律。為了譯文的明暢流利,他大膽地省略了一些原文有而中文用不著的介詞、連詞、關係代 詞。在下面這些句子中,我們可以看出大匠運斤,得心應手之妙:
1. The builder [Hale] refused genially, as he did everything else.
 郝爾的拒絕是很婉轉的,這人無往而不婉轉。
2. Business is pretty slack, to begin with, and then I’m fixing up a little house for Ned and Ruth, when they’re married.
一來是生意清淡,二來我正預備給納德和路德蓋個小房子,他們快結婚了。
3. She s a pauper that’s hung onto us after her father'd done his best to ruin us.
她是個小叫花子,她的父親拐了我們大家的錢,這會兒她又賴在我們身上。
4. The blood rushed to his thin skin under the sting of Hale s astonishment.
郝爾一臉的詫異之色,伊坦反而面紅耳赤的不好意思起來。  
5. For the life of her smile, the warmth of her voice, only cold paper and dead words!
沒有了她的活潑的笑容,沒有了她的溫暖的聲音,只有冷的紙和死的字!
呂先生是中國語法家,中文有而外文沒有的各種特殊詞性 和句法,他都有深刻的認識,因此行文如行雲流水,意到筆隨,極富於自然之趣。他的譯文有中國風味、中國氣派,是活譯而非死譯,讀起來流暢親切,幾乎像讀原文那樣:
1. Come along! Get in quick! It’s as slippery as thunder on this turn.
來罷!快點兒上來!這一截子滑得要命呢!
2. That thrust had frightened him more than any vague insinuations about Denis Eddy.
這一枝冷箭比鄧尼斯·伊迪呀什麼的更叫他驚惶。
3. She stood perfectly still, looking after him, in an attitude of tranquil expectancy torturing to the hidden watcher.
她站在那兒一動也不動,望著他的後影,她的安詳地期待的態度可把黑地裡守著的那個急壞了。
4. . . . Mattie was bound to make the best of Starkfield since she hadn’t any other place to go to.
……瑪提不喜歡斯塔克菲爾也得喜歡,因為她沒有第二個 地方可去。
可是,呂譯最不可及的地方,我覺得還是用詞的考究和恰當。呂先生的中文辭彙是那麼驚人地豐富,無論是古文、白話、 成語、俗諺、行話、切口,他都兼收並蓄,到了下筆翻譯的時候,簡 直是源源而來,左宜右有。原文有許多詞句,別人搜索枯腸總找 不到適當的譯語,呂先生卻是信手拈來,恰到好處:
1. Now and then he turned his eyes from the girls face to that of the partner, which, in the exhilaration of the dance, had taken on a look of impudent ownership.
他時而轉移他的目光從女子的臉上到她的舞伴的臉上,那張臉在跳舞的狂熱之中儼然有 “佳人屬我”的精神。
2. He had even noticed two or three gestures which, in his fatuity, he had thought she kept for him.
他甚至注意到兩三個姿勢,他一向癡心以為是保留給他的。
3. Zeena herself, from an oppressive reality, had faded into an unsubstantial shade.
連細娜這人也由咄咄逼人的實體褪成一個虛無縹緲的影子。
4. Now, in the warm, lamplit room, with, all its ancient implications of comformity and order, she seemed infinitely farther away from him and more unapproachable.
這會兒在溫暖的有燈亮的屋子裡頭,自古以來的倫常和規矩好像都擺在這兒,她變成遼遠而不可接近。
5. At Worcester, though he had the name of keeping to himself, and not being much of a hand at a good time, he had secretly gloried in being clapped on the back and hailed as Old Ethe or Old Stiff.
在烏司特上學的時候,他是有名的孤獨朋友,對於賞心作樂完全外行,可是偶爾有人拍拍他的背,叫他一聲“老伊”或“老傻”,他嘴裡不說,心裡可高興。




2015年3月12日 星期四

香港中文大學的翻譯啟示


日前在網站發現香港中文大學的一則中英文通訊,從翻譯角度來看,有值得參考的地方:

Professor David Hawkes’s Translation Manuscript of The Story of the Stone Available Online
「霍克思文庫」《紅樓夢》英譯手稿網上閱覽
Fans and scholars of The Story of the Stone will have great cause to celebrate this summer as the David Hawkes Archive, jointly set up and managed by University Library System, the Research Centre for Translation and the Department of Translation, The Chinese University of Hong Kong, will be launched in early summer 2014. The translation manuscript of this masterpiece of Chinese literature in Professor Hawkes’s own hand will be made available online for all to read and enjoy. 

由香港中文大學翻譯研究中心、翻譯系以及大學圖書館聯合建立的「霍克思文庫」將於2014年夏初正式啟動,著名漢學家霍克思教授的《紅樓夢》英譯手稿將以電子版形式與各位讀者見面,對於《紅樓夢》的書迷和學者來說,這將是極其值得慶祝的喜事。

我無法判斷哪一個是原文,因為中英文字都很自然,重點是兩者都考慮到各自的寫作習慣:英文採topic sentence起頭,把重點放到最前;中文則採常見的「起、承、轉、合」模式,把重點放到最後。這則通訊很可能出自該校翻譯系,作者顯然是中英文俱通的高手。按照一般英譯中的習慣,依英文句序翻出來大致是這個樣子,可以看出「文氣」上的微妙差異:

[直譯] 對於《紅樓夢》的書迷和學者來說,今年夏天將有極其值得慶祝的喜事,因為由香港中文大學翻譯研究中心、翻譯系以及大學圖書館聯合建立的「霍克思文庫」將於2014年夏初正式啟動。著名漢學家霍克思教授的《紅樓夢》英譯手稿將以電子版形式提供所有讀者閱讀及欣賞。

嚴復譯《天演論》(1898),開頭第一段同樣採用語序調整法以符合中文的行文習慣:

It may be safely assumed that, two thousand years ago, before Caesar Set foot in Southern Britain, the whole countryside visible from the windows of the room in which I write, was in what is called "the state of Nature." Except, it may be, by raising a few sepulchral mounds, such as those which still, here and there, break the flowing contours of the downs, man's hands had made no mark upon it; and the thin veil of vegetation which overspread the broad-backed heights and the shelving sides of the combs, was unaffected by his industry.

赫胥黎獨處一室之中,在英倫之南,背山而面野,檻外諸境,歷歷如在機下。乃懸想二千年前,當羅馬大將愷徹未到時,此間有何景物。計惟有天造草昧,人功未施,其借徵人境者,不過幾處荒墳,散見坡陀起伏間,而灌木叢林,蒙茸山麓,未經刪治如今日者,則無疑也。

和科學出版社的《進化與倫理》(1971) 新版翻譯比較,同樣可以看出差別:

可以有把握地想像,二千年前,當凱撒到達不列顛南部之前,從我正在寫作的這間屋子的窗口可以看到整個原野是一種所謂“自然狀態”。也許除了若干突起的墳墓已在幾處破壞了連綿的丘陵的輪廓以外,此地未經人工修葺整治。薄薄的植被籠罩著廣闊的高地和峽谷的斜坡,還沒有受到人的勞動的影響。

2015年3月3日 星期二

英詩改譯 Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening by Robert Frost



佛洛斯特這首詩堪稱傑作,不僅意境優美、內容深刻、用字卻簡單自然。本詩採「抑揚四步格」(iambic tetrameter),韻式比一般複雜,第一到三節第一、二、四行押韻,第三行與下節的第一行押韻;第四節則通押,形成aaba/ bbcb/ ccdc/ dddd的韻式。余光中先生譯此詩設法保留原詩的韻式,可惜無法完全做到;尤克強先生也做過相同的嘗試,同樣未竟全功。

Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening
By Robert Frost, 1874-1963

Whose Woods these are I think I know.(a)
His house is in the village, though; (a)
He will not see me stopping here (b)
To watch his woods fill up with snow. (a)

My little horse must think it queer (b)
To stop without a farmhouse near (b)
Between the woods and frozen lake (c)
The darkest evening of the year. (b)

He gives his harness bells a shake (c)
To ask if there is some mistake. (c)
The only other sound's the sweep (d)
Of easy wind and downy flake. (c)

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep, (d)
But I have promises to keep, (d)
And miles to go before I sleep, (d)
And miles to go before I sleep. (d)


雪晚林邊歇馬
余光中譯

我想我認得這座森林。(a)
林主的房子就在前村;
卻看不見我在此歇馬,
看他林中飄滿的雪景。(a)

我的小馬一定很驚訝,(b)
周圍望不見什麼人家,(b)
竟在一年最暗的黃昏,
寒林和冰湖之間停下。(b)
 
馬兒搖響身上的串鈴,(c)
問我這地方該不停。(c)
此外只有微風吹拂雪片,(d)
再也聽不到其他聲音。(c)

森林又暗又深真可羨,(d)
但是我已經有約在先,(d)
還要趕多少路才安眠,(d)
還要趕多少路才安眠。(d)


雪夜停林邊
尤克強譯

我想我認得這樹林主人
但是他的家在村莊附近(a)
他看不見我正停在這裡(b)
凝視他覆滿白雪的樹林(a)

我的馬一定感覺訝異(b)
留在這曠無農舍之地(b)
樹林和湖水冰封中間
一年中最昏暗的寒夕(b)

馬兒扯動一下佩鈴
問是否有什麼不對(d)
僅有的回聲來自於
輕風吹拂雪花飄飛(d)

這樹林多麼地迷人幽邃(d)
可我有承諾要趕去赴會(d)
前路迢迢我還不能入睡(d)
前路迢迢我還不能入睡(d)


改譯從兩位大師取得靈感,終於完成全詩韻式翻譯。其中比較難的是第二節第三行Between the woods and frozen lake一句,必須改寫成「右有樹林左有湖水結冰」才能過關。


雪夜林畔駐馬
張華改譯

樹林的主人我想我認識,(a)
不過他住在村裡的房子。(a)
不會看到我正停在這裡,(b)
對著他積雪的樹林凝視。(a)

我的馬兒一定覺得怪異,(b)
停在這四無農舍的野地,(b)
右有樹林左有湖水結冰,(c)
在這年中最昏暗的寒夕。(b)

馬兒搖一搖韁上的掛鈴,(c)
彷彿在問什麼事不對勁。(c)
週遭寂寂只聞風聲低迴,(d)
輕輕吹拂漫天細雪飄零。(c)

樹林幽暗深邃令人陶醉,(d)
但我已有承諾要赴約會,(d)
路途遙遠我還不能入睡,(d)
路途遙遠我還不能入睡。(d)


網路上還有郭英然、京人、方平、飛白、老蛇、施潁洲等譯本,請見:
Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening 雪夜林邊小駐 幾個譯文 中譯文對應http://hi.baidu.com/gone0with0wind/item/b595a021b65978d2a517b647

2015年3月2日 星期一

村上春樹的小說《挪威的森林》一文多譯

也談村上(及其翻譯)   一文對村上春樹的小說《挪威的森林》中一段文字列出多種譯法,頗為有趣,整理如下:

賴明珠(台灣時報文化)的譯本:
「雖然我有些方面多少有點亂七八糟,不過卻是誠實的好孩子,工作勤快,臉也長得滿可愛,乳房形狀美好,做菜好吃,父親的遺產還存了信託基金,你不覺得是個大拍賣嗎?如果你不要的話,我很快就會到別的地方去哦。」

林少華(的譯本則是:
「雖然我多少有蠻不講理的地方,但心地善良正直,勤快能幹,臉蛋也相當俊俏,乳房形狀也夠好看,飯菜做得又好,父親的遺產也辦了信託存款,你還不以為這是個大拍賣?你要是不買,我不久就到別處去。」

葉蕙(博益出版社))的版本:
「雖然多少有點橫蠻,卻是老實乖巧,工作勤快,長得相當可愛,胸部曲線不錯,烹任高明,父親的遺產放在信託存款內,你不覺得你撿到的是大便宜麼?如果你不要,我很快就另外物色人選的囉。」

Jay Rubin 的英譯﹕
“I may be a little bit mad, but I’m a good girl, and honest, and I work hard, I’m kind of cute, I have nice boobs, I’m a good cook, and my father left me a trust fund. I mean, I’m a real bargain, don’t you think? If you don’t take me, I’ll end up going somewhere else.”

劉惠禎.黃琪玟譯﹕
「雖然我有時候會胡鬧﹐但是我老實﹐是個好女孩﹐工作勤奮﹐臉蛋也長得可愛﹐要說胸部嘛﹐也很挺﹐料理方面當然沒話講的﹐又有父親的遺產﹐你不認為你撿到太大的便宜了嗎﹖你若是不要﹐我可能很快就往別處去了。」

2015年3月1日 星期日

英詩改譯一首 - A Memory by William Allingham


A Memory

By William Allingham (1824-89)

Four ducks on a pond,
A grass bank beyond,
A blue sky of spring,
White clouds on the wing;
What a little thing
To remember for years –
To remember with tears!


回憶
錢歌川譯 (《英詩研讀》p.127)
四鴨浮池上,
前有芳草岸,
青天春色瀰漫,
白雲相與往還;
一片平凡景物,
多年令我難忘,
想來未免悲傷!


回憶
張華譯
塘上鴨四隻,
遠岸草綠時,
藍天春日麗,
白雲輕飄移。
一角小景色,
思念一年年,
思念淚漣漣。
後記
1.    此詩充滿懷舊之情,卻是五彩繽紛,詩中有畫,似乎和作者的太太Helen Allingham是水彩畫家有關。
2.    此詩暗合中文的起承轉合,前兩句寫地是起,後兩句寫天是承、第五句是轉、最後兩句是合。
3.    有兩個網站對此詩提出多個中譯,頗為有趣:

http://www.xzbu.com/5/view-1971078.htm 英语格律诗汉译的思想发展初探http://bbs.gxsd.com.cn/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=395801  英诗汉译(135): A Memory by William Allingham